gawd. lets so absofuckinlutely pop more pills, burn and die. nothing/one's showing pity on my pitiable soul. why why tell me. im doing the same things. doing it 'right', but no never purrfect. lets dread life. pray time would fly by tmr. minus the pain. the mental torture. the deafening sound in my mind. tell me tmr's the last.
mixed feelings about my LAST day of y2. miss my girls. some nasi bryani loving. yummilious teas ...etc... dear god, bless my soul for itp. zoom me across to term breaks once again.
hmm its only 2mths. it'll pass. i'll be fine. yeaa right.
Grant me this sweet escape to fantasy land.
i dont get the rationale for doing a stupid journal for my astro. hmm in the first place, why study about this nonsense. it makes no sense at all.. 7 more weeks of journal to go. Oh gawd!
I hate doing many things. i hate asking my parents for money. As if asking for transport and school money had to be begged for. i cant wait to get a job, earn money that i can call my own, then get a house, move out of this place and hopefully this fucked up feelings i've been habouring for past few months will go away. Whats family for? One where everythings has to be so formal and restricted? One where even using a pimple cream required permission for? If that's so, i should have been screaming ( lead by examples) at my brother for using my contacts solution, at my mum for using my belts. Why make life so rigid and hard to live by. One may be calculative and selfish but there are times when and people to whom exceptions should be made to. It makes no sense. This family makes no sense. Dont get me wrong. i love my brothers. I wont trade any other brothers for them. Sigh. tell me why.
darling sweet pea : )
